


Wild World

by words_for_glory



Category: Bastille (Band), Dan Smith - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Wild World, all of it y'all, one shots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2018-09-24 02:06:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9695018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/words_for_glory/pseuds/words_for_glory
Summary: A one-shot for every song on Wild World.





	1. Good Grief

**Author's Note:**

> tw: This chapter deals with the loss of a loved one and grief

“So, what would you like to do first?” You ask Dan, gesturing to the food on the kitchen counter. 

“I can start the pasta if you want to start the sauce.” Dan suggests, walking over to the cupboard to pull out the supplies. He bangs a bunch of pots together as he struggles to find the correct one. When he finally pulls out the correct one, he beams at you with a triumphant smile plastered on his face. 

“Sure,” you say laughing at your adorable boyfriend. 

The two of you work together like clockwork in perfect sync to make dinner. Short pecks are exchanged when one of you pass by the other, and the two of you laugh and smile about nothing in particular. You stir the bubbling pot of sauce, and smile to yourself when you hear dan singing to himself under his breath. 

The ringing of your cell phone causes you to jump a bit. You were always one to be startled easily. Quickly wiping your hands on a dish towel, you answer your phone, not even looking at who it was. 

“Hello?” 

“Y/N? I… I … uhh...god...I have something I need to tell you,” your father says, his voice shaky and hoarse, as if he’s been crying.

“Dad? What is it? Is everything okay?” Your breathing and heart beat both turn erratic. You quickly walk over to Dan, grabbing ahold of his arm. His eyebrows furrow together with concern. 

“Honey...dammit…..Honey, your mum...she’s,” Your father trails off, leaving you hanging.

“What? Dad what happened? Is she alright?” You plead, tears well in your eyes. 

“Dead. She’s dead,” you father chokes out. Your heart stops beating, and you feel your knees buckle. Luckily, Dan’s there to catch you. 

“What? How? Why? When’d this happen?” You cry, clinging to a very worried, very confused Dan. 

“She had a heart attack last night. By the time the ambulance came, she was already dead…” You don’t hear the rest of what your father says, his voice replaced by hollow ringing. No. She couldn’t be dead. Not your mum. Your phone drops out of your grasp and you fall to the ground. A tear trails down your cheek as you stare at the floor. 

“Love, what’s happened? Are you okay? Is everything okay?” Dan pleads, sinking down next to you. 

“She’s dead,” You voice is void of any emotion, despite the torrential storm of emotion coursing through your veins. Dan grabs your hands, and you grip them tightly, as if they were the cliff-edge and you were about to fall to your death. 

“What? Who? Who’s dead?” 

“My mum, sh-she had a heart attack,” your voice breaks on the last word and the tears finally start flowing down your face. Dan doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you, rubbing a hand soothingly up and down your back. Your heart feels like it’s going to give out. Your stomach feels like you’ve just been stabbed. The world has come crashing down. 

“I’m-I’m so sorry, love.” Dan whispers into your hair, but you can’t hear him over your sobs. 

+++

Your bedroom has become your sanctuary. Not that you’d been doing much sleeping. All you’ve been able to do is stare at the ceiling. Ever since the day you’ve found out (maybe a week ago- you’re not quite sure), you haven’t done much of anything. You haven’t cried. You haven’t eaten more than a few bites of food. You haven’t slept. You just lay in the dark. Maybe if you ignore the world, all the terrible things that have happened won’t be true. 

A knock sounds on your door, and before you can even answer, light floods the room, temporarily blinding you. When your eyes finally adjust, you see Dan standing in the doorway. Over the past few days, you’ve been pushing him away. You have and you know it. Normally, you’d feel terrible. But right now, you feel nothing. 

“Umm… the funeral’s today, Y/N,” Dan announces. 

You cover your face with your hands and peer at Dan through your fingers. 

“You should go,” He continues, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I’ll go with you- if you want.” 

“No. I can’t. I can’t do it. Going there means it’s real. It means she’s actually gone and I can’t do that.” You say, your voice devoid of any emotion. 

“But think of your Dad, Y/N. Think of your brother. They need you…. You need to do this. You can’t just lay here and sulk for the rest of your life, pushing away those who love you and want to help,” Dan’s voice turns bitter, and you know you’ve hurt him. You know you’re acting childish, yet all you do is shake your head. 

“Goddammit, Y/N. Don’t be a fool! You’ll regret this for the rest of your life if you don’t go. This is your last chance to see her face- do you really want to give that up?” His voice rises into a crescendo, causing you to flinch. Running a hand through his mass of dark, unruly hair, Dan lets out a sigh, trying to bring his breathing back to normal. You just stare at him, utterly silent. 

“I’m sorry,” He whispers after a moment or two. “The last thing you need is me yelling at you.” 

Biting you lip, you sit up and hug him from behind. You’ve missed having him near you. Why you pushed him away, you don’t know. 

“I’m sorry… You’re right,” You whisper, arms tightening around him. Dan turns his head back toward you, and eventually turns to fully face you. He places a hand on your shoulder, and runs it all they way down your arm finally grasping your hand. You stare at your two hands intertwined and sigh. 

“So you’ll go?” Dan asks gently. You nod. “Do you want me to go with you?” You nod your head again. “Okay.” 

Without warning, you launch yourself at him, closing the small distance between you by throwing your arms around his neck. Dan doesn’t waste a second before returning your embrace, pulling you impossibly close. You melt into him, wishing that you could just mold into the same person. 

“C’mon let’s get you showered and dressed,” Dan whispers, although he doesn’t let go of you. You bury your face into the crook of his neck. God, you needed him, why did you push him away? 

+++

Walking up to the funeral home, arm in arm with Dan and decked out in black, is harder than you imagined. The thought of seeing your mum, her body, leaves an ugly, uneasy feeling in your stomach. When you reach the doors, your feet stop moving, and a lump forms in your throat. Dan pauses with his hand wrapped around the door handle. 

“You alright, love?” Dan says, his blue eyes wide with concern. You don’t trust your voice, so you just nod as a reply. 

The sickly smell of flowers fills your nose and you try not to vomit. Your stomach, already uneasy, fills with nervous butterflies, not ready for all your distant relatives to come up to you and give you their pity. Your eyes search through the crowds of people for your father, finally finding him speaking to your aunt and uncle. Dan notices you gaze, and starts to tug you in that direction. 

When you finally reach your father, he stops mid-sentence and moves past his sister and brother to give you a hug. You remain rigid in his embrace, not quite sure how to react in this foreign environment. When your father pulls away, looking you up and down, you realize how much older he looks, as if the death of your mother caused him to age five years. Your aunt and uncle each give you small, pitiful smiles, and you just turn toward Dan. You can’t take other people’s pity. You know you lost your mum, there’s no reason to keep reminding you of it. 

“Can we go sit down, please?” You whisper. Dan nods, taking your hand once again. The rows of wooden chairs are all faced toward the far end of the room where it is. The casket. Your mum. The words casket and mum didn’t belong in the same thought, no, this wasn’t real. This isn’t happening. You and Dan take a seat toward the front, where no one else had dared to sit.  
Resting your head on Dan’s shoulder, you close your eyes, willing yourself not to cry. Willing yourself to forget that you’re here, at your mother’s funeral. 

As the service proceeds, you feel yourself drifting further and further away. The words of the clergyman, and the other people who come up to you to express their condolences all blur into one large jumble. 

When it comes time to say your final goodbyes, you slowly make your way up to your mother on shaky legs. She’s sleeping. All she’s doing is sleeping. The first glimpse you get of her, freezes you in your tracks. You swear you stop breathing and that your heart has stopped. She’s just as you remember- except she’s terribly still. Your mum was never still. She’d always be smiling, or fidgeting with something. She’d always be swaying along to some some sort of music only she could hear. You remember the time you and her danced in the kitchen to the two of yours favorite song. You remember how she had turned the volume up all the way, despite your father and brother still being asleep. 

You could almost hear that music now. You could sway your hips and lift your hands above your head, so you do. And that’s how you ended up dancing at your mother’s funeral. You’re not quite sure what happened after that, but what you do remember is laughing, for maybe the first time in a week. You remember laughing so hard and hysterically that you had tears streaming down your cheeks. You also remember Dan’s arms snaking around your waist from behind, calming you down. You don’t want to think about all the people who stared. 

Now, you’re sitting in the car parked outside the funeral home. Your hysterical tears have dried up, leaving you with this empty feeling once again. Picking at a loose thread at the end of your sleeve, you feel Dan’s stare from where he sits behind the wheel. You steal a glance at him, to find his blue eyes staring into your own. You can feel something welling inside you, threatening to make you burst, but you just shove it down. Dan’s eyes flick around your face, searching, memorizing. If it wasn’t for the console between the two of you and your seatbelts to restrict you, you would’ve climbed over to his side and just hold him. He was the only thing that could make you feel safe, and calm. As if perhaps the world wasn’t ending. Or if it was, and he was the only thing left in the rubble, you’d still be okay. But you remain in your seat, head now propped up against the window. You’re head must be somewhere else because when you hear the ignition turn on it sounds far away and distant, like it’s happening to somebody else. 

A warm hand takes a hold of yours, rubbing a thumb up and down the back of your hand soothingly. You don’t say a word the whole way home, and when you do finally return to your flat, you just make your way back into the two of yours bedroom. Dan’s quick to follow you, shutting the door behind him softly. Head hitting your pillow, you wish you could sleep and escape this world for a little while. Unlike you, Dan changes his clothes before climbing in beside you and pulling you to his chest. You listen as his breathing evens out, and he falls into oblivion, probably hoping to take you with him. 

+++

Sleep eludes you, despite how mentally and physically exhausted you are. Peering over Dan’s sleeping figure and at the digital clock on the nightstand. The fluorescent red numbers read 3:48 A.M., but you don’t feel tired, you don’t feel anything. You carefully shift to sit up in bed, not wanting to wake Dan, you’ve already been too much of a burden to him. When your bare feet touch the cold, wooden floor, an involuntary shiver runs down your spine, and you finally stand up. 

As if on autopilot, you soundlessly make your way into your small kitchen in search for a glass of water. Reaching into the cupboard on your tiptoes, you pluck out a glass. A surge of memories floods your mind of you and your mum, and you just stare at the empty glass. She’s gone. Forever. The numb, unfeeling part of you from before is dissolving and being consumed by this unbearable pain in your heart. You barely register the sudden movement of your arm as you hurl the empty glass at the wall in front of you. Hot tears stream down your face as you sink to the ground, curling in on yourself. You wish you could shatter like that glass and release all this pain from where it’s being holed up in your body. You slam, and slam, and slam, and slam your fist into the floor, relishing in the pain because something finally matches the pain you feel inside. Tiny shards of glass are now imbedded in your hand, but you don’t care. 

You’re so lost that you barely register the sound of hurried footsteps and a familiar, worried voice calling out your name. Dan falls to his knees beside you, not wasting a second before gathering you up in his arms, mindful of your, now bloody, hands. Sobs rake your body and you shudder in his embrace, turning your head into his chest. His arms tighten around you as he tries to console you in anyway he can. 

“Love, shhh, it’s going to be alright,” Dan says into your hair. All you can manage to do is shake your head. How would anything be alright ever again? The one person who had known you the longest is now gone. There would be no more late night chats on the phone when you just really needed your mum. There’d be no more inside jokes, or embarrassing moments from your childhood. There’d be nothing. Your tears don’t subside, soaking Dan’s t-shirt. 

A few minutes later, Dan scoops you up and carries you to the couch. The cuts on your bruised hands are an angry red after your pounding them into the glass shards and the floor. Dan kneels on the ground beside the couch, carefully taking your hands in his. He inspects your hands, and the rest of you for any further damage, his breathing uneven, and his blue eyes contemplative and worried. You almost feel bad for being the cause of these emotions, but instead the familiar, empty feeling returns to your chest. 

“Please be gentle with yourself, love,” He whispers, looking up at you. You can’t bear to meet his eyes. You start to shrink all the way back into yourself, but a gentle, warm hand guides your chin to look straight at him. Dan moves a stray lock of hair behind your ear, a small sigh escaping his lips. “I’m gonna get something to clean to clean your hands up.” As he stands to leave, a small whimper leaves your lips, not wanting the only thing keeping you semi-sane to leave you, even if just for a minute. 

+++

After what could have been hours or minutes later (you’re not quite sure), you’re still sat on the couch, with the TV playing softly in the background, but you’re not really watching. Thoughts pass by through your mind idly, but nothing substantial enough to lift you from this fog. The sound of Dan banging around in the kitchen making tea perks your ears, and you just continue to stare at the bandages that now wrap your hands. You try to remember what you did to cause this, but the memories feel like they happened to another person. That person, that angry and sad person is no longer here. All that’s left is this empty, breathing shell. 

The shrill sound of Dan’s phone startles you, causing you to jump slightly. 

“Hey Kyle,” Dan answers, his voice tired and soft. There’s a short pause as Kyle responds. 

“She’s…. She’s not okay. I’m worried, Kyle. I don’t know how to help her. I want to be there for her, I just…” his voice breaks off. “I just don’t know how.”

“Of course I love her,” He sounds suddenly agitated, and you wish you could hear the other end of the conversation. “Okay, it’s just..” His voice drops to a volume you can no longer fully make out. You’re able to make out bits and pieces, things along the lines of “not talking or eating or sleeping” and “hurt herself”. Your heart sinks with guilt that you’ve caused Dan to worry like this. 

A minute or two later, Dan walks out of the kitchen with two steaming cups of tea in hand. He wears a soft smile as he sits down next to you. Craving his warmth, you snuggle into his side while also taking the cup he offers you. He wraps his arm around you, pulling you close to him. You’re thankful that you have him here; you don’t know where you’d be if you didn’t. 

“How’re you doing?” Dan says, pressing a kiss to your forehead. You take a sip of your tea, letting it warm your insides. 

“I’m alright,” you say, your voice quiet and a little hoarse from under use. 

“I hope you know that I want to be there for you in any way I possibly can. What you’re going through this is terrible, and I know I can’t fully understand it, but I want to. I want to help you,” He stares at you, his beautiful blue eyes searching your face. “I love you, and I want to support you in any way I can.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate you being here for me...I don’t know where’d I be without you.” You admit. With your free hand you grab his larger one and play with his fingers. “Being here is what I need. I just need you.”

“Okay,” Dan replies. He sets his cup on the coffee table and rests his forehead on yours. You close the distance between the two of you, planting a gentle kiss on Dan’s lips. 

+++

Sure, you still miss your mum what seems to be every minute and every hour, but it’s easier knowing you have Dan there always to support you. He’s there when you need a shoulder to cry on, when you need someone to talk to, he’s always there. And you couldn’t think of anybody else you’d rather have in your life.


	2. Lethargy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon Dan seeing you lacking the energy to even think, he decides it's time for a change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY IVE NEVER UPDATED THIS! I was stuck wanting to do the chapters in the order they appear on the album but that just wasn't working out!

You were exhausted. Every step toward your flat was unbearable and only the thought of being able to lay down in bed and possibly get some sleep was keeping you going. Even thinking was exhausting. Sometimes you just wanted to stop existing. Not die, but just press pause for awhile. 

Finally, FINALLY, you make it into your flat, through the door and into your room. You sit down on your bed to start and take off your shoes when you hear footsteps padding toward your room. Your roommate, Dan, sticks his head into your room and upon seeing the glare of death you shoot at him, he raises his eyebrows and says “is now not a good time?” 

You don’t have the energy to respond, so you just look back down at your feet and continue to lethargically take off your shoes. Why did you have to wear these fucking laced up sneakers? In your periphery you see Dan walk around and sit next you on the bed. 

“That bad?” He says wrapping his arm around your shoulders, so that you can lean some of your weight on him. You try to ignore how your heart beats faster with his closeness. DO NOT THINK ABOUT HOW GOOD HE SMELLS. Finally, you respond, but only with a minuscule nod. 

“Love,” he starts. he doesn’t mean it, he can’t mean love. “You need to take some time to relax and do what you love, not working in that shithole.” 

Somehow you stand, and enter the bathroom that connects your and Dan’s room and stop in the doorway. 

“It may be a shithole but...at least I’m making some money... not enough... but whatever I hate it when your right.” You mutter, turning to take out your earrings and take off your makeup. 

Dan springs up and follows you to the bathroom and leans on the doorway. “Love,” that pesky word again, if only he knew. “I’m not joking around. I really care about you and I don’t like seeing you so burnt out everyday. It’s not fair to you.” 

You sigh and brush past him, pulling out clothes to change into. “Can we please talk about this later- I can’t even think!” Frustrated tears spring to your eyes and you’re slightly embarrassed. He’s right, you know he’s right. “I’m sorry,” you whisper, sniffling a bit. “Thank you for caring and being a great friend and you’re right, you’re so right. I just- I just don’t know what to do I feel so powerless.” 

You slide down to the floor right next to your bed and pull your legs in toward your chest. Maybe you can disappear this way. Chin tucked into your knees, you see Dan's feet, clad in the socks you bought for him last Christmas, come to you. 

Warm, gentle hands smooth down your hair and cup your cheeks, lifting your face up toward him. Dan’s cerulean eyes search yours and your heart starts to beat fast again. 

“You will be okay. You’re not powerless, you’re the strongest woman I know and this is a hard time but you’ll get through it.” Dan's voice is low and soft. You can’t help but notice how his gaze moves down to your lips. “I love you. And maybe I’m messing up everything right now, but I don’t care. I love you. So much.” He looks back into your eyes, searching for an answer to his unspoken question. You understand. 

Slowly, you nudge your face, still in dans hands, towards his until your lips collide. The kiss is everything. It’s the stars that are shining in the night sky, and the moon that pulls the tides. Dan’s hands leave your cheeks and travel down to your hips, gripping you tightly.

Your breath catches as he pulls away for a moment, a wide, childish grin on his face. “I can’t believe this is happening. This must be a dream.” 

“It’s not, trust me.” You say with a grin of your own as your kiss him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please comment what you'd like to see next!! (Also...sorry this is pretty short)

**Author's Note:**

> that was really long sorry... Please give me any suggestions for the future chapters/songs!


End file.
